


if it's not you, it's not anyone

by thegreenfairy246



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: After endgame, Angst, Break Up, Drabble, F/M, Post-Break Up, the snap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:49:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29755017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreenfairy246/pseuds/thegreenfairy246
Summary: bucky comes back from the snap and his world is shattered
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Kudos: 12





	if it's not you, it's not anyone

_cicatrize (v) to find healing by the process of forming scars._

Bucky still isn’t used to being alone, no matter how often he’s been subjected to it. You would think the time he spent as the Winter Soldier would have prepared him for just about anything, but as he crawls under the covers tonight, he feels the emptiness like a vice. There had been a time when Bucky hadn’t felt lonely every moment. A precious few years spent wrapped in an entirely different embrace. 

He’d met you in a coffee shop, the sweetest twist in his otherwise unfortunate life. You’d spent hours talking, they’d slipped by like minutes, and before you parted, Bucky asked for your number. It had been the start of a relationship that lasted for years. It always seemed like nothing could have touched it–until Thanos.

Bucky had lost five years when he turned to dust, but you had gone on living. After the snap, when Bucky returned, he was expecting things to be the way they had been. He drove to your apartment expecting a tearful reunion. Instead, he hardly got out of the car.

_Slowing to a stop, Bucky parks across the street from your apartment building. He picks up the flowers from the passenger seat–your favorite–and gets out of the car, starts the walk to your door. He’s stopped cold when he sees you leaving with someone else. Quickly, he gets back in the car, watches you go._

_You’re just as beautiful as he remembers. Today, those loving eyes that Bucky always used to get lost in are turned on somebody else. Your hand is intertwined with theirs as they lead you to the car. Both of you are laughing, looking happier than Bucky ever remembers you being with him._

_He tosses the flowers on the seat next to him, puts the car in drive, and leaves. The only tears that day are his own._

That was two months ago, and nothing has gotten easier for Bucky. You’re still all he thinks about. For him, your relationship was still fresh–he could remember everything. It made getting over you impossible. The whole world reminded him of you, he could never escape it. Every conversation found it’s way back to you. At dinner a few days later, catching up with Sam, he couldn’t help but bring you up.

“You could call her.” Sam shrugs. “Just a thought.”

“Why would I do that? She’s happy.” Bucky shakes his head. “I’m not gonna mess that up.”

“Because she doesn’t even know you’re alive!” Sam chuckles. “Man, she spent five years alone, trying to figure out what to do. Just because she found a way to move on, you really think she wouldn’t want to know you’re back?”

Bucky sighs. “I don’t want her love out of obligation. If she’s found someone she’s happy with…” Bucky shrugs. “That’s the way it is now.” Bucky takes a sip of his drink. “Anyway, I’ll get over it eventually. Let’s talk about something else.”

They hang out for a few more hours, mercifully avoiding the topic of you, before they both go home. 

Bucky starts to get ready for bed. He stands in front of the mirror, stops in the middle of pulling on his shirt. He takes in the knotted mess of his left shoulder, the web of scars there, thinks his heart is a lot like that. The pain of losing his arm had eased eventually, replaced by scars. Someday, the fresh wounds in his heart will heal over–scar tissue in his chest. Until that day, he’ll just have to deal with the phantom ache. He pulls his shirt over his head, goes to bed and hopes sleep will find him.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! if you liked it, you can follow me on tumblr @blueberrythor


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